The other day, someone asked if I had posted any poetry on my blog. I responded that I hadn't. It made sense they asked such a question. I had said that I have been writing poetry since I was 11 years old. Granted, my earlier poetry wasn't anything to write home about. Even now, I feel that I have a long way to go before I can ever rightfully call myself a 'poet'. Perhaps that is why I have not shared that part of me with you. I will also admit that I have been afraid to put my poetry out there on the world wide interweb. It's very personal, and what if someone tries to pawn it off as their own? But does it matter in the end? I haven't won any awards or received any recognition, so maybe it wouldn't be worth stealing. If it was however, I guess all that matters is that I give some small gift to the world, to kindred souls. Maybe I can touch one or two of you out there.

So, here it is. I wrote this poem for my son and I share it with all of you.

Knight

I look upon him as he sleeps-

little body curled up tight,

safe within the fortress of blankets

built to shelter him from the cold.

The nightlight stands guard-

a torch to keep away the darkness

and the nightmares.

I know in the morning

I will find the fortress destroyed-

its walls kicked down,

heaped on the floor next to

fallen toy soldiers.

A tiny foot will be dangling

over the edge of a tower,

one blanket desperately clinging

to him for dear life.

Like that one blanket,

I want to hold on;

I want to keep him safe from the cold-

the kind that freezes bodies,

and the kind that freezes souls.

I want to be his shield, protect him

from those who would aim

their arrows of hate and pain

at his tender heart.

I want to be his torch-

keep away the monsters of the dark,

the living nightmares.

I want to be the safe haven

he runs to when life frightens him.

I want him to stay warm and safe

in his fortress of blankets,

while I keep guard.

But I know he can’t stay forever.

He will feel confined, will want freedom.

And he will kick off my blankets of protection.

He may get cold and he may get hurt,

but he will become strong,

learn to protect himself and

fight his own battles.

And someday, he will build a fortress

for his own.

To err is human, to forgive divine?

I saw the movie Five Minutes of Heaven. Its title is very deceiving. It doesn't involve a lover’s tryst or anything you might suspect. Rather, it’s about guilt and forgiveness. It’s not the type of movie you watch for entertainment, but the type that makes you think about things you don’t normally wish to be faced with on a big screen in vivid color. I thought I would give it a shot because it won an award and it stars Liam Neeson, an actor I have much respect for. Set in Northern Ireland, Five Minutes focuses on two men, one a murderer, the other, the brother of the man he murdered. Both have been prisoners of guilt for a long time when the media arranges a meeting between the two.

It reminded me of the book I told you about, The Shack. I thought of the character in that book who had to find a way to not only forgive the man who kidnapped and murdered his daughter, but also himself, and the God he blamed.

In both, hearts are broken, lives shattered, questions asked, people forever changed, and the human condition explored.

As the famous saying attributed to Gandhi goes “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” I truly believe that if everyone sought revenge and payback, there would be no one, nothing left in this world. But, I would be a liar if I said that I never relished the thought of someone ‘getting what they deserved.’ And I do believe in Karma. I think that we all sometimes hope that what goes around truly does come around.

And what if my own child had been taken from me? What if my own sibling had been shot because of a petty difference in beliefs? What then? Would I be able to forgive? Would I be able to keep hate from seeping into my every cell? I honestly don’t know. I would like to think that I could, but I don’t know.

It’s easy to say we should forgive. It’s harder to actually do it.

At the same time, we all seek forgiveness. And I think, what if I caused someone immense pain? Maybe I didn't mean to, but that doesn't lessen the agony. I don’t think I would ever kill someone, but what if I did on accident? What if the sun was in my eyes and I didn't see the person crossing the street? What then? I know that I would carry that with me for the rest of my life. I don’t know that I could forgive myself, let alone hope for forgiveness from the loved ones of that person.

I know, not the kind of stuff anyone wants to think about. But sometimes you have to. You have to face the ugly, darker side of life, of human nature. I have always believed in the goodness of people. But time has showed me that most, if not all of us, are capable of awful things.

I guess in the end, it’s how we deal with these things that defines us. Do we allow the pain and anger and questioning to consume us, to tear us apart inside? Or do we find a way to rise above, to fill our hearts and souls with courage and love?

I would not presume to tell you what you should feel or how you should deal with your own situations. We are all different. I share this with you only as a fellow human being with thoughts and questions of my own. I hope that we can all learn to forgive each other and ourselves. But in my own mind, I wonder if we all deserve forgiveness. I’d like to think we do. Then I read about the vicious, violent things that humans do to each other, and I have my doubts. It’s a battle. To feel and know the love that I believe in, and to feel and know the heartache of human failings.

How do you feel? What would you do?