You may have figured out by now that when it comes to music,
I don’t just listen, I experience. I dive right in, let the sounds and the
lyrics drown out everything else. I can’t help it.
So on that note, the other day I heard two songs in a row
that I thought spoke to the same feelings. It was two different artists, and
from what I could decipher, two different situations. Nonetheless, I felt the
pain was related. Of course, this got my brain on wheels rolling down this path
and I wondered how, why these songs came to be. I wanted to understand the
feelings that inspired these songs.
The first song was “Numb” by Linkin Park. Here are the first few lines:
“I’m tired of
being what you want me to be, Feeling so faithless, lost under
the surface.
Don’t know what you’re expecting of
me,
Put under the pressure of walking
in your shoes...
Cause every step that take is
another mistake to you…”
So, I don’t know what you think, but I automatically thought
about someone trying to live up to the expectations of their parents. I am sure so many may have dealt with or are dealing with this same confusion and sadness.
This isn't a unique problem. Parents want the best for their children. They
want their children to succeed, to be the best they can be. But sometimes, parents
forget that what they think is best for their children may not be what their
children want or need. Some parents want their children to succeed at what they
could not succeed at themselves. It can be easy to push one’s own desires onto
one’s children.
“I’ve
become so numb, I can’t feel you there,
I’ve become so tired, so much more aware.
I’m becoming this, all I want to do,
Is be more like me and be less like you…”
This is where children start to defy their parents. They
start to turn away, shut them out. Why? Because they don’t want to be anyone
but themselves, and that includes their parents. And it hurts when they feel as
though they can never satisfy their parents, as though they can never make them
happy or proud. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking.
“Can’t you see that you’re smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control.
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Is falling apart right in front of you…”
Sometimes parents hold on too tightly. As a parent, I know I
have to fight this urge, am already fighting this urge. But children have their
own minds and hearts and souls. They are not robots to be programmed and
controlled. They have their own paths to follow, their own lives to live. And
sometimes, they will get hurt, they will fall, they will make mistakes. But we
have to love and accept them for who they are, not who we think they should be
or who we want them to be.
The second song was “Right Here Waiting” by Staind. Here are
the first few lines:
“I know
I’ve been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I’ve made
I’ve got some imperfections
But how
can you collect them all and throw them in my face…”
This song could also be about a parent, but I think it’s
about a lover. A lover who can’t accept someone for who they are, flaws and
all.
“But
you always find a way to keep me right here waiting….
And if you chose to walk away, I’d still be right here waiting…”
Again, there is that one you want nothing more than to
please, to make happy, but you seem to fail every time. And it hurts, but
somehow you find yourself trying time after time.
“I hope
you’re not intending to be so condescending
It’s as much as I can take
But you’re
so independent,
You refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break…”
And the failure to be what someone wants, needs, is proud
of, loves unconditionally, begins to tear you apart inside. It causes fractures
in your heart, snowstorms in your soul.
I think it might be easy for people to fall into a cycle of
this behavior. Maybe you did everything in your power to please your parents
but you could never succeed. Then you do everything in your power to please
your lover with the same negative effects. All you ever wanted was to be loved
unconditionally, to be accepted for all that you are and all that you are not.
And yet you suffer from loving those who can never be satisfied.
There is a significant line in the Linkin Park song:
“But I
know that you were just like me with someone disappointed in you…”
And in the Staind song:
“But I
always find a way to keep you right here waiting…”
Yes, a cycle. Some people do everything to please though
they can’t. Some are never pleased. And these
types often find each other and relive all the pain they've suffered before.
Ok, so I studied Psychology at one point and maybe I need to
remind myself that I am now studying a completely different subject. And maybe
you want me to quit being such a downer!
Anyway, what I want to say is that in the end, not one of us
is perfect. We are all flawed and we have all suffered failure. We are human.
But we all deserve to be loved and accepted. We should remember to look in
the mirror before we point a disapproving finger. And we should never forget that forgiveness, understanding,
and acceptance are essential to healthy relationships of any nature.
