Life Happens

I just celebrated a birthday and getting older makes me look at back at my life and where I thought I would be at this age. And I now have a greater appreciation for the saying “Men plan, God laughs.”

Yes, I had a lot of plans. And yes, God laughed.

As a little girl, I had many ambitious answers to the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I even aspired to be the first female president of the United States. That’s how all little ones think. There are no limitations to what you can do, who you can be.

I eventually settled on being a famous writer. At least for a moment. I started writing poetry in sixth grade and I thought “hey, this might be my thing.” I admit, my writing left a lot to be desired, but I was only eleven. What did I know?

Then, in high school, I got the wild idea that I wanted to study psychology and theater. I even thought I could do a double major! (What?!?!?) I was going to work in an institution for the mentally insane and perform on stage. Does that even make sense? What a crazy dreamer I was.

Then I wanted to be an actress. I was going to be in the movies! I loved the feeling of being on stage. I loved the imagination involved. I could be anyone, anywhere, anytime, if just for a few moments.

I also thought I might not get married or have kids. I was going to be successful and travel the world and never settle into the boring, mundane life that most people do. I swore I would not depend on a man to take care of me, but make my own way, make my own money, and do my own thing.

But, as we all figure out eventually, life doesn't always go according to plan. And my express train to independence and success got derailed. And I found myself on a crowded bus heading for who knows where. I quit going to college, dated and partied a lot, just kind of drifting along waiting for something to happen.

As for acting, I was an extra in a couple of shows. But it didn’t pan out. My means of transportation broke down and I couldn’t afford to fix it and that made it hard to make it to gigs, a lot of which were in L.A. And I had a full time job and I couldn’t take the day off at a moment’s notice when I got a call to be an extra. And the money wasn’t anything to brag about. So, I gave up on that dream.

Then, out of nowhere, my husband walked into my life. I didn’t plan on falling in love, but it happened. I didn’t plan on moving in with him and getting married and having a baby. But it all happened.

Then I went back to school to study Interior Design. Then I was selling and installing floors.

So, I am nowhere I planned to be by now. But even though my life didn’t work out according to my grand scheme, it all worked out. I can’t imagine life without my husband and son. They are everything to me. They make life fun and amazing and beautiful and crazy. They give my life meaning.

I admit that I am not happy selling floors or being an administrative assistant. No, I want more. That is why I have goals. Not plans, but goals. I don’t know what else life may throw at me. I don’t know what tomorrow or the next day will bring. All I know is what I want, what I will work towards, what I can do. So, I have my goals and I will work towards those goals, but I can’t say they won’t change.

What are my goals? To become an interior designer, to create beauty for others. Yes, floors may be involved, but that won’t be all. To design accessories and furniture. To publish at least one book. To create beauty in this world. To raise my son right and watch him grow and set his own goals. To love and cherish my husband and grow old with him. To be the best person that I can be.  To live each day, appreciate all that I have been given, and to meet each challenge to the best of my ability. Those are my goals.

As for plans, well, we all know what happens to those. So, I will assess, adapt, and advance (my husband owns all rights to that saying) as I find my way along this bumpy, winding, roller coaster like labyrinth of a road they call life.

That is life. It changes, it takes side roads, it goes places you didn’t want to go. But that is what makes you stronger, what makes you take a long hard, look at yourself. It forces you to discover who you truly are and what you truly want. It challenges you and breaks you down and builds you up. It isn’t always fair. It isn’t always beautiful. But it’s always exciting. Would we want it any other way?

So, I will just take it day by day. And share a few laughs with God.