Helping Hand

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves"

                             -Horace Mann

Just a few weeks ago, I saw a picture of a little boy lying face down on a beach. He was dead, having drowned when the boat he and his family were on capsized. They had been trying to escape the war in Syria. My heart broke when I saw the photo. I had to fight back tears. I could not imagine the desperation the family must have felt crossing that sea in a crowded boat, not knowing if they would reach land or if they would be welcomed once they did. And I could not imagine the pain the boy's father felt when he learned he had lost his whole family.

Since then, I have been following the news of the countless refugees braving the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, and trekking through eastern Europe, looking for a place to begin new lives. All this to escape their own war-torn countries.

I know that most people are sympathetic to the refugees' plight. People, countries want to help. At the same time, some countries closed their borders and many have expressed concern with the strain on their own resources. It's understandable there is some concern. We are talking millions of displaced people.

This got me thinking about what it means to help others in need.

I'm the type of person that finds it difficult to say no when others ask for help. I don't know if it has to do with my Catholic upbringing or if it's just my personality, but it pains me to say no to helping others. I always believed that you should help others, regardless of who they are or why they need help or if they deserve it. I always believed you do things for others just for the sake of doing it, not to expect anything in return.

"No one has ever become poor from giving."

                                              -Anne Frank

I would tend to agree with Anne Frank. However, practicality, common sense, and societal norms say that we can and should only give so much. People say you can't give so much that it becomes a detriment to yourself or your own. People say that others will take advantage of you if you give too much. Think about your own lives. Do you have friends or family members that are constantly asking for help? Whether it's money or favors? And do they return in kind? Are they there for you when you need help? Do they give equally? Or is it a one-way street? Do you find you are constantly giving and they are constantly taking? Have you given money when you were struggling financially? Have you given time and energy when you barely had any? Where do you draw the line? It's a difficult question I know.

So, I understand when countries struggle with how to help refugees. Especially when it puts an economic and logistical strain on their resources and affects their own citizens.

Yet, how do we turn away from our brothers and sisters of the human race? How do we see them as merely financial burdens or temporary problems? They are people after all. And they are suffering.

So, do we rise above our animal selves? Do we give and help others as much as we can no matter what we get in return? Do we love and forgive unconditionally? Do we give until it hurts, no matter what the consequences may be? Or do we follow our basic instincts, which tells us to protect ourselves and our own? Do we give to and love only those who return the favor? Or does the answer lie somewhere in between those two extremes?

I really don't know what the best answer is and I wish we didn't even have to ask the question. I would give until it hurt. But maybe that's one of my downfalls. Maybe that only causes me trouble and pain. Maybe that hurts my loved ones as well. Maybe I need to give them more and others less. And although I like to give as much as possible, I can't deny that I've also done my share of taking. And I'm sure I failed to help or give when I should have.

I wish that we could all give and love and be given to and loved in return. I wish that no one ever took advantage of others. I wish there were abundant resources available to help all those in need. I wish we were more than just selfish animals searching for the easiest path to our own wants and needs.

Maybe we are. Maybe we can be. Maybe we'll find that balance between giving and taking. On an individual level as well as on a larger scale.

For now, I hope and pray the refugees are shown compassion and given shelter. I hope and pray that somehow, someway, their own countries can find a path to peace and prosperity. And I hope that one day every child of this Earth will have a home that is warm and safe and filled with love, a home they will not have to run away from. 

Working 9 to 5

I have just enjoyed a five day staycation. And now, as this warm Labor Day winds down, I begin to feel that black cloud that usually hovers over me every Sunday evening. Monday, or in this case, Tuesday, is looming. It will be back to work for me.

I know I've vented to you all before about how I want so much to write and practice interior design, but have not been able to make money doing those things, and so I have to keep a so-called regular job. You know, the kind of job where you get a steady paycheck and great benefits, but you're confined to a cubicle all day. The kind of job where you sit in front of a computer, under fluorescent lighting, entering numbers and letters until you think your fingers might fall off, or you might keel over from boredom. 

Now, I know I shouldn't complain. Especially on this day which celebrates the hard work and achievements of American laborers. And I know people of earlier generations toiled for up to 12 hours a day in horrible conditions just to provide for their families. I imagine a lot of older folks think us younger generations are spoiled with our ideas of "work/life balance." I'm sure the people who worked in factories in the early 1900's would have been happy to sit in an air-conditioned office for 8 hours.

I know I have it easy. I only work 6 hours a day and the pay is decent, the benefits are good, I like the people I work with, and the company is great. But it doesn't fulfill me. It doesn't bring me joy. I simply do it for the money.

I know there are a lot of you out  there who may feel the same way I do. Just think of all the "It's Friday" memes you can find on the Internet. Think of how we are all just counting the minutes, the hours, the days until Friday arrives and we are free. And then think about how many of us count the years until we can retire. It's actually kind of sad. 

When we are young, we are told we can do anything, be anything. And we all dream. But we soon find things don't always go as planned. Degrees don't always guarantee a job or success. Hard work and dedication don't always get you where you want to go. And dreams don't always pay the bills. Heck, it seems like the money we work for barely pays the bills.

I know, I sound selfish and pessimistic and impractical. I assure you I know this is the real world, and not utopia. I am practical and I know I need to make sacrifices for my family. And I certainly appreciate the fact that I have a job. But as I get older, I feel the years flying by, and I worry that my dreams are slowly fading away. I worry that though I say the office jobs I get are only temporary, I'll end up stuck in a cubicle for 20 years, not one room designed, not one book published.

Maybe I'm not practical. I remember I used to complain to my mom when I was in high school that we didn't have a choice but to work at some job we hate for years. She said I did have a choice, that I could choose to be homeless. She was right, of course. We can choose to work, albeit at a job we don't necessarily enjoy, or we can choose to live off the grid, in a shack in the woods, growing crops and hunting for food. Spoiled as I am, I enjoy my modern comforts, especially indoor plumbing. Without a job, I won't have the money to pay for those modern comforts. 

I have no illusions about life being perfect if and when I become a published writer or an accomplished designer. Every job has its ups and downs. Every job is work. And it won't always be fun. That's why it's called work and not play. But when you're doing something you love, it is kind of like playing. Adult playing. 

I guess that I will have to continue to work at my writing. I will have to put more energy into growing my interior design business. I have to keep working and trying. I can't give up. Because I believe it's important to love what you do. Or at least to like it. I believe there is more to living than working and paying bills. I believe we should all have work/life balance. Maybe that makes me a daydreaming idealist and impractical. Maybe I need to wake up and smell the coffee and put my nose to the grindstone and quit bellyaching about my bohemian need for fulfillment. Maybe all I can and should do is just make the most of my situation. Because that's really what we are all doing in this world. Just trying to make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in.

What about you? Are you happy with your job? Do you find joy and fulfillment in your work? Is that important to you?