I wish that I wouldn't have to keep thinking about and writing about all the pain that humans cause each other. Maybe you are tired of hearing about it. But we know that ignoring it doesn't heal us. So, here I am again, sharing my thoughts with you.

Once more, I cried at the end of a long, sad news day. Again, I found myself asking why. Why do people hurt others this way? Why do innocent people lose life and limb because someone has a personal agenda? Why? Why? Why? And I would venture to guess that you too were asking why. Perhaps you too cried. Or maybe you became angry. Maybe you wanted to hit something.

I don’t know why these men did what they did. Maybe they felt this nation had wronged them or their people or their religion in some way and they wanted to avenge that wrong. I can’t begin to understand their motives. But I also know that somehow, someway, understanding why they did what they did can give us insight into the darkness that plagues the human race. It’s easy to judge each other. It’s more difficult to look beyond, to look deeper, to plunge into the mysterious recesses of the human condition.

I began to write this poem a year or so ago. I put it away and came back to it recently. Now, it seems to resonate even more.

Before you read it, please understand that with poetry, as with all writing, the subject is not always clear-cut, black and white. There are grey areas and personal experience can color it differently. In this poem, I am speaking to something larger than just this one incident. There is more than meets the eye, so to speak.

Also understand that I do believe in justice. I believe people who commit acts of brutality must be held accountable for their actions. And I believe in the right to defend one’s family and home. You can extrapolate to the national level if you wish. However, I hope that we can approach justice rationally, with open minds and open hearts, not clouded by anger, hate, or prejudice. I hope that someday all nations, all people, can separate the acts of an angry, misguided individual from their family, their culture, their religion, their ethnicity and their country. Because hate and anger, like fire, can burn out of control, and leave us all in ashes.

Each side in war thinks they are in the right. And violence begets violence. And we can all get caught in a never-ending loop of revenge. When does it end? 

An infinite sea of pointing fingers,

so many nameless faces to blame.

As hearts die and tempers flare,

we hunt for those who cause the pain.

An eye for an eye is the rule.

A life for a life what we demand.

Retribution we claim our right-

casting stones with dirty hands.

Vengeance is our tyrant king,

no compassion in his boiling blood.

Hording resentment like precious jewels-

his anger guides our destructive flood

Waves of fury will drown them all,

no mercy will be shown.

There are no innocents to be spared-

forgiveness forgotten or never known.

Our self-righteousness consumes us,

a fire raging out of control.

War is always our answer,

punishment always our goal.

The battles will rage on and on,

inhumanity taking its toll.

We’ll die along with our enemies-

hatred poisoning our souls.

When empathy and understanding

have finally withered away-

when we lose our humanity,

this world will darken and decay.

We will have our vengeance,

And they will have theirs too.

We’ll be buried side by side-

And blinded justice will have her due.

I watched the movie “Perks of Being a Wallflower,” and it stirred up emotions in me I wasn't expecting. And since it did, I thought I would share my thoughts and feelings with you.

The movie, based on a novel by Stephen Chbosky, centers on a teenage boy named Charlie. He is shy, very introverted, and extremely intelligent. Unfortunately, these characteristics generally make for a tough freshman year of high school. And for Charlie, this is compounded by his ongoing struggle with depression, especially after the suicide of his best friend, and some heartbreaking family issues.

I recommend that you watch the movie, so I don’t want to tell you too much. Suffice to say that Charlie faces some of the same trials and tribulations that many of us do as teens. There are bullies. There are awkward moments. There are drugs and alcohol. There are issues of young love and sexuality.  The teenage years can be such a difficult and challenging time, especially for people like Charlie, who feel more comfortable with their head in a book than in a crowded lunch room.

I have told you before that I had some difficulty as a teenager. I always felt different, weird. I never felt as though I belonged. And there were some very mean people, mostly girls. I struggled with bouts of depression and anxiety. I guess that’s why the movie touched me as it did. It caused me to remember the sometimes dark days of high school.

I think many of us look back at our teenage years with some sadness. It’s a confusing time, when our hormones are rapidly changing and randomly firing. When we are searching for who we are, where we belong, and where we are going. Our bodies and opinions are constantly changing. We know just enough to get us into trouble, though we think we know everything. We are testing our independence and consequently, the patience of everyone around us.

Sometimes, people cannot face these challenges. Or maybe they don’t want to. Maybe they would rather watch it all go by, wallflowers, staying out of the blinding lights of society. Or maybe they are pushed against the wall by others. Maybe they are bullied by those who are just as confused as they are, but who deal with it by lashing out at others. Maybe home isn't necessarily a haven from the cruel world. Or they are dealing with great loss. Whatever the reason may be, some people find themselves falling into a hole, swallowed up by loneliness. In this dark hole, they can’t see all they have ahead of them.

It saddens me to think of those who experienced only the lows of growing up. Those who found it better to leave the world than to face it. Sadly, it happens all too often. You read stories in the paper about girls who had awful rumors spread about them, called sluts and whores on the Internet. Boys who were shamed for their sexuality and physically abused. These are children. And they are taunted by other children to the point they put a gun to their heads or overdose on medication. It’s awful to think about, but we have to.

I think about it when I watch nature shows sometimes. I see some of the violent things that animals do, whether as adolescents, or as groups, and I wonder if we are as evolved as we think. I wonder if we are not all that different than these animals. Perhaps not.

I sometimes worry what my son will experience when he enters that phase in his life. Will his coming-of-age story have a happy ending? Or will he suffer through some of the same heartbreak Charlie experienced.

There really is no black and white answer. I know my son will experience some of the same struggles as me, as Charlie. That is a part of life. And without the struggles, there can be no appreciation of joy. I hope that he will be strong enough to face all the challenges, to find- no- to make his place in the world. I also hope that like Charlie and I, my son will find true best friends. Friends who love him, support him, accept him, and appreciate him. For Charlie and I, that was like a ray of light breaking through endless clouds of grey.

I hope that my husband and I can help guide my son. I hope that we can see the signs if he does begin to slide into that black hole. I hope we can make him understand that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that life has just as many ups as downs. I hope we can show him his potential, and all the life has to offer.

And I hope he has good teachers. And good books, too. Yes, a lot of good books.

**I hope we can all guide our children. Not only to make it through the tough times, but to help others make it through the tough times. I hope we can teach them how to love and respect their peers. And I hope we can all see and react to the signs of depression and loneliness. They may lose their innocence, but we should not lose our innocents.**