Death.

Does that make you want to quit reading now? The word is so heavy, I can almost feel the weight upon my back. Perhaps that is why my back aches so much right now. In fact, I’m hunched over as I am typing this.

Death is always there, lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch us unawares. Well, sometimes death calls to say it will be arriving in few months or days. Either way, we don’t usually put out the welcome mat and bake some cookies.

I will turn to my current lyrical favorites, Mumford and Sons:

“Death is at your doorstep and it will steal your innocence,

but it will not steal your substance…”


 
We try to avoid it at all costs. We don’t even like to discuss it. So, I understand if you decide to skip this blog. But my purpose is not to cloud your sunny skies. I’m not trying to depress you. No, I’ve just been thinking about death because it seems to surround me. In the last ten years or so, I have lost family, friends, acquaintances, a neighbor, even a dog. Each death saddened me, hurt me, and took a little bit of my innocence. With each funeral, I felt I aged.

But some of those who passed knew death was coming for them, and they accepted it with grace and understanding. And they did not allow death or the fear of death to steal their substance, to cast a shadow upon their hearts.

“Night has always pushed up day

You must know life to see decay

But I won’t rot, I won’t rot

Not his mind and not this heart…”

 

Life does not exist without death. Light without dark. Joy without sorrow. And without the knowledge that death can come at any moment, we would not appreciate each day that we are given. We would take everything, everyone for granted if we thought tomorrow was guaranteed. But I, we, cannot allow the knowledge that death is unavoidable to darken our lives. We cannot allow it to eat away at us, to cause our mind, our hearts, and souls to rot.


“Death is just so full, and man so small

I’m scared of what’s behind, and what’s before…”
 

Yes, death is full. It is full and final and it fills us with fear. We don’t know what waits for us upon death, if anything at all. We worry that our lives, what we leave behind is all that we will ever have. Will we die with regret? Will we look back and wish we had done it differently? Wish we had done more.Wish we had done better.

“In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die

Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”

Perhaps I am naive to think it, but I believe that our purpose in life is to love and be loved. I know,  I told you all that before. But think about those who have faced death. Think about people who have been to the edge and back. Think about people who have been given months to live. What do many of them do? They live each day as though it were their last. And they love, completely, with abandon. Not just love their partners, but their children, their friends, themselves. They love life. They do things they love. They go places they love. And this love allows them to see the light through the darkness.

“But there will come a time you’ll l see

With no more tears

And love will not break your heart

But dismiss your fears

Get over your hill and see, what you

Find there

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.”

I grew up Catholic, but I became disenchanted with organized religion. But I have always believed that there is a higher power, whether it be male or female or neither. Whether it be one or many. I don’t mean to be controversial and I don’t want to tell you what to believe, but I think it is arrogant of us to think we know what the higher power is and that it is anything like us and that only some people are allowed to be close to it. Church shouldn’t just be four walls on one day. It should be the sky and the earth and all the living creatures. All of it, every day.  And I would like to think that when we die, we will “get over our hills” and love “will dismiss our fears.” But the grace in our hearts will come from the love that we feel, that we give here and now.


“Love will not betray you

Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

Be more like the man you were made to be.”

We may never be free of death. But we can be free of the fear of death. We can look death in the eye, walk towards it with heads held high. We can face death with courage and grace. But only if love fills our hearts. Love of each other, love of this world, love of life.

 

 

 

 

*The lyrics in this blog come from multiple songs, I just shared one.