So, I’m sure you’ve all heard the tragic story of Robin
Williams. Sad, heartbreaking, shocking.
I’ve heard of and known people who hide and deal with
depression and anxiety through comedy. But I didn’t know Robin Williams was one
of those people.
So, my brain on wheels got to rolling and I felt like maybe
this was the time to share my own story. Now, I must admit that I thought
perhaps I shouldn’t tell you all about this. That maybe it’s too personal and
some of you will judge me, look at me differently, but then I realized that’s
half the problem. People are afraid to talk about it. The stigma attached to
depression and mental health in general prevents people from receiving the help
they need.
Yes, I experienced depression in my life. And I had suicidal
thoughts. I didn’t think I was good
enough to exist. To be loved and accepted. I had self-esteem issues. And this
was when I was young, facing the tough challenges of adolescence. I was
disliked by girls who thought I was trying to steal their boyfriends, and
thought weird by boys. I never felt like I belonged, like I had a place in
society. And I tried to drown these self-doubts in alcohol and drugs. But
that’s like a band aid on a broken limb. I acted out, pretended I didn’t care. But
I did.
Some people blame the parents in such situations. But it’s
not always the parents’ fault. My parents did the very best they could. It was
just something in me, demons that I had to fight. In other cases, the parents
have a hand in it. Either directly, or indirectly, because they refused to
accept there was something mentally or emotionally wrong with their child. They
ignored the warning signs, the cries for help.
And that’s where change is needed. We must accept that
sometimes there is something internally wrong with our loved ones. There is
pain and suffering. They may try to hide it, but in the end, they will show signs,
they will hint at what lies beneath their façades. We have to open our eyes,
our ears, and our hearts to others, and listen to what they aren’t saying. It
isn’t easy. By no means. It’s difficult to accept that something is wrong with
those we care for. It’s difficult to face the truth. And even more difficult to
know what to do, when to reach out, how to comfort.
Shame and blame don’t do anything to solve the problem of
mental health in this country. In fact, they only exacerbate the already
volatile situation.
And people often want to tell the depressed to “snap out of
it,” or “get over it,” or “get over yourself,” or “it will get better.” Often
times, these words can only add to the suffering of those dealing with
emotional pain and anguish. Rather than chastising or clichés, they need
someone show them love, patience, understanding, concern, and compassion.
I was able to change my way of thinking, to look for the
beauty and joy in life, instead of focusing on the darkness. I came out of the
shadows. That’s not to say I don’t feel that darkness creep up on me every now
and then, because it does. And each time I fight my way through. But not
everyone can do that. Some people need more than cognitive restructuring. Some
people need intense therapy or even medication.
People say those that commit suicide are selfish and
cowardly. And looking from the outside in, it may seem that way. It’s selfish
to put loved ones through the pain of dealing with your death. It’s cowardly to
run away from the difficulties of life rather than face them. But people with
mental and emotional health issues don’t always think clearly. And they often
think their loved ones are better off without them, that no one will miss them.
They believe there is no hope for a better life, that they have nothing to look
forward to, no light at the end of the tunnel. And perhaps they are cowardly,
running away from everything, rather than facing their problems, and fighting
for life. But often, there is no fight left in them.
I wish we could solve the mysteries of the human brain. I
wish we could cure all mental illnesses. But right now, we can’t. All we can do
is show compassion towards those who are suffering internally. All we can do is
try to shine a light for those who have become swallowed by the darkness.
I am not a psychologist. I just wanted to bring attention to
a subject that requires attention. Listen to your intuition. If you sense a
loved one is suffering and needs help, please reach out. Don’t ignore the signs. If you yourself are suffering,
know there is a way out of the darkness. Ask for help.
I wish you all love and happiness, and I hope a light always
shines through the darkness.
If you need help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at:
1-800-273-8255 or http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
