Now, I've never purchased a ticket until recently. I'm not much of a gambler, never have been. When I travel to Vegas, it's to sit by the pool with a cold drink or hit the clubs, never to spend countless hours and dollars at gambling tables. I always thought gambling was a waste of money. Your chances of winning are often slim and in the case of the lottery, you're more likely to be struck by lightening. And I never considered myself lucky.
But the jackpot was so big this time. And I thought, "why not me?"
As I've told you numerous times before, I am not where I want to be professionally. I'm not doing something that makes me happy or fulfills me. I'm doing something for a paycheck. And it's not a great paycheck. But it's steady income and that is what my family needs. I keep dreaming and hoping and planning and trying to somehow break into the Interior Design industry. And I'm writing and submitting my work to literary magazines. But it's not happening for me right now, so I have no choice but to stay where I am, doing data entry in accounting. DATA ENTRY IN ACCOUNTING!ME!
So, when the lottery jackpot kept climbing and climbing, I became excited at the thought of winning. Like most people, I thought about how that much money could change my life. I wasn't thinking about yachts and mansions and private islands. Well, OK, maybe a little. But that wasn't why I played. I played because I want financial security. Don't we all? That's why we keep jobs we don't necessarily enjoy. Because we're all trying to pay the bills and put food on the table and provide for our children. And with the economy not exactly booming and the cost of living rising, we all struggle sometimes.
But more than financial security, I want financial freedom. The freedom to quit my job and put more time into writing or design. The freedom to maybe return to school. The freedom to not have to count every nickel and dime. The freedom from a Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 life of drudgery. The freedom to enjoy some of the finer things in life. The freedom to travel and see the world. The freedom from stress and worry. The freedom to dream.
I think that is what most people want. The freedom to enjoy life. Because we weren't meant to just work and work and pay and pay until the day we die. We were meant to live for so much more. To know and experience the world in all it's varied, amazing glory. To live and love and laugh. To discover and learn and rise above.To dream and imagine and hope. The way we did as children, before we were saddled with the responsibility of adulthood. Before we found out the depressing truth that not all of us can be astronauts or movie stars or professional athletes or princesses. Before we realized the economic inequality that exists in this world and the growing gap between rich and poor. Before we became rats in a cubicle maze.
I know, I'm being pessimistic and maybe a tad whiny and self-absorbed. I should just be happy I have a job and a roof over my head, etc, etc. I promise you I'm working on it.
I also promise you I will keep dreaming and I will find my way out of that cubicle maze, without the lottery.
