Black Swan Balancing Act

In case we haven’t established this little fact yet, here it is. I’M BIG INTO MOVIES! Yes, I’m known for spouting off lines from the multitude of films I have seen and my husband calls me the Dennis Miller of obscure movie references. I love movies, perhaps because I’m an imagination dweller and I like to escape the real world as often as I can. Don’t worry; I maintain a loose grip on reality. Anyway, I have a tendency to gravitate towards strange, dark, mind-scrambling types of movies. (I have a dark side and I’ve embraced that) And there are certain directors who know how to push me down the rabbit hole. Darren Aronofsky is one of them.

Aronofsky directed Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain, and the lesser known Pi. If you are familiar with those films, then you know how Aronofsky blurs the line between real and imagined. That is exactly why I knew I had to watch his latest film, the Academy Award nominated Black Swan.

Again, I don’t like to give away a movie. I sometimes beg people to tell me what happened in a film I haven’t seen, but the truth is that deep down inside, I don’t want them to tell me. It’s just that I have this love/hate relationship with suspense. Maybe we all do. We want to be surprised, we want to be thrilled, but we don’t want to be snuck up on. So, that being said, I will not tell you “what’s in the boooooxxxx”.  Did you get that reference? I will only tell you about what the movie made me think about.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the ballet Swan Lake, it is about a princess who is cursed to take the form of a swan by day. A prince happens upon the swan maiden and falls in love with her, but before he can proclaim his eternal love and devotion, which would break the spell, the sorcerer who cast the spell appears and the prince returns to his castle. There is a ball (what is the obsession with balls?) and the sorcerer sends his daughter, disguised as the princess, only she is in black. The prince, not knowing the truth until too late, swears his love for the “black swan”, and the princess (the white swan) is doomed to remain a swan forever. Before I lose all the guys in the audience, let’s move along.

Good vs. Evil. It’s an age old battle that rages on in most movies. But Aronofsky puts a little twist on it. Nina, the dancer portrayed by Natalie Portman, must play both the white swan and the black swan, but her personality is much more suited to the white swan. A competing ballerina (Mila Kunis) has the personality to portray the black swan perfectly. So, in order for Nina to take on the role she so desires, she must allow herself to let go and become the black swan.

I believe that we are all like Nina, trying to find the balance between light and dark, trying to let go without losing our minds. We are all seeking the harmony of yin and yang. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean there is a Manson lurking around in all of us and we should let him out. No, that is evil. I mean we have to embrace all that we are, and all that others are, dark and light. And sometimes, we have to let go in order to find the balance.

No one is all white or black; rather we are all varying shades of grey. If we try to be only light or only dark, we upset the balance within ourselves. If you suppress your emotions-your anger, your pain, your heartache, your passion-you will find they grow more violent and will tear you apart trying to escape. You will find that you are not running away from them, but they are running away with you. If you try to be completely light, to be perfect, you will lose yourself, because you are not perfect, no one is, and we weren’t meant to be. On the other hand, if you go to the dark side (snuck another one in), you’ll lose yourself as well, only this time you’ll be lost in a deep, dark tunnel and there will be no light at the end, no arms to welcome you. You will not see the beauty in yourself, in others, in life. You will become lonely, angry, and this could lead you to hurt yourself or others.

I’m not a psychologist nor will I pretend to understand all the workings of the human mind. All I am saying is to embrace your light and dark sides, know yourself, and find that balance. 

Now, If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go watch a comedy. 

On Poetry, Persistence, and Potholes

We all have dreams. I’m not talking about the strange movies that play in our minds while we sleep. I’ll save that for another day or two or three (you wouldn’t believe the dreams I have). No, I’m talking about the desires we carry deep in our hearts. I’m talking about that which drives us, that which keeps us going when all we want to do is lie down and go to sleep because at least anything is possible in our nighttime visions.

Some people dream of becoming rich and famous via film or music or sports. Some dream about getting a degree from an ivy league school and becoming CEO of some mega corporation. Others dream of owning their own business, buying a home, and having a family. It doesn’t matter what your dreams are, whether big or small, lofty or easily attainable. All that matters is that you have them and you work to make them come true.

Of course, dreaming is easy. Making those dreams come true is not. And often times, the road to your dream is full of potholes just waiting to eat your tire. And there is no AAA on the road to your dreams. You have to change that flat tire yourself…in the pouring rain…or blistering heat. And sometimes it would be easier to just sit in your car. But then you’re not going anywhere, you’re stuck.

Well, I have a few dreams of my own. One has always been to have my poetry published. I have been writing poetry since I was in the sixth grade. Now, I wouldn’t want anyone to read what I wrote back then. But I believe I’m come a long way from my roses are red, violets are blue phase.

So, I finally decided to submit some poetry.

What they said -“Thank you for your participation….”

What I heard – “It’s not you, it’s me…”

Rejection! Pothole! Flat Tire! Pouring Rain!

I knew I might be rejected. That’s part of life, that’s part of trying. But no matter how they nicely they say it, no matter how I prepare myself for it, it still hurts. When someone tells you that you aren’t what they are looking for, whether it be a date or a company or a talent scout or a school or a literary magazine, it feels like you were driving a rusty old Pinto on your dream road and it broke down, and that guy or girl you've been obsessing about just passed by in a Ferrari Enzo on their way to meet your arch enemy for a lobster dinner. It blows like the tires on your Pinto!

But I know I can’t stop dreaming. I can’t sit in my broken Pinto crying and complaining about how life isn’t fair. I can’t start thinking that maybe I’m not good enough, that my writing is horrible and no one will ever want to publish it. I can’t allow myself to get stuck. 

Everyone gets rejected. Everyone experiences loss. It’s how you deal with it that matters. It’s learning from it and moving on. It’s persistence and perseverance. There is a long list of celebrities and artists who toiled in obscurity before getting their big break. In his book, “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft”, Stephen King describes how he amassed a large collection of rejection slips, but he kept writing and look where he is now. And think about all the modern conveniences we enjoy because people didn’t give up trying. Can you imagine what the world would be like if the Wright Brothers gave up after their first attempt at flying? And hey, the Dallas Mavericks just won the NBA championship. What if they gave up after losing to Miami the first time?

What I’m saying is that I will not give up, ever, no matter how many Dear Jane letters I receive. I’ll keep writing and maybe someday you’ll all be reading my book of poetry, number one on the best seller list. 

Washington + Wall Street = "Inside Job"

I finally watched “Inside Job”, the documentary about the financial crisis, directed by Charles Ferguson. Well, it really has the wheels in my brain turning.

I have to admit, I have never been interested in the goings-on of Wall Street. The jumble of letters and numbers on the stock ticker mean absolutely nothing to me. When my husband watches CNBC, I leave the room, because to me, they are all speaking (yelling), Greek. And when they aren’t yelling, it’s a giant snooze fest. And when my husband tries to discuss trading with me, my eyes glaze over and I start writing my grocery list in my head. Really, I try to pay attention, but math and I have always had a rocky relationship (he says I never pay attention to him).

Another thing I've never given enough attention is politics. First of all, I am not big on debating or making decisions (I’m a Libra). Second, I’ve always had this idea that politicians are lying, cheating scoundrels (they haven’t done much to prove me wrong), and that my vote doesn’t make much of a difference anyway. And how can you truly know who and what you’re voting for? Everyone is lying and paying each other off and sneaking special interest earmarks into bills presented to the voters.

Well, Charles Ferguson took these two things that I generally ignore, and shoved them in my face. But that’s a good thing. Apathy on the part of the public is one thing that contributed to the mess we’re in.

Now that I have a child, and a mortgage, and a business, and retirement to think about, and the economy is in the toilet, I’m a little more concerned about what Washington and Wall Street are doing. Ok, A LOT more concerned, especially about what they are doing for each other. I have to be concerned, and this documentary has shown me some of the reasons why. 

I don’t want to give away the movie. I just want you to watch it. Listen to the interviews. Hear what is and isn’t being said. Find out about the connections between the government and Wall Street. Find out about who and what contributed to the financial meltdown. Find out what’s happened to our money, our jobs, and our country.

Now, I know you can’t believe everything you hear or see. A documentary is still a film meant to influence the viewer, but this isn't a Michael Moore film. (I don't have anything against the guy but he tries really hard to make you see things his way)

And maybe some of you don’t care. For the longest time, I didn’t.

Maybe you feel like you don’t understand the numbers. I don’t. But I’ll tell you about some numbers we can all understand. Unemployment is at 9%. Banks repossessed more than 1 million homes in 2010 (according to RealtyTrac).Total U.S. household debt was at 13.4 trillion in 2010 (WSJ.com). 

Maybe you’re just busy trying to survive. And that’s what the good ole boys are depending on. They think they can get away with things as long as we’re preoccupied and not paying attention. We need to show them that we aren’t stupid and we don’t want to be taken advantage of, and they all need to be held responsible for their actions, not ‘bailed out’.  We need to demand tighter regulation of Wall Street, corporate tax reform, campaign finance reform, all kinds of reform! 

Puff, Puff. Ok, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’ll quietly step off my soapbox. I don’t mean to be another person trying to shove their opinions down your throat. I just ask that you to watch the movie, and think about it. And maybe tell the boys in Washington to stop texting inappropriate photos of themselves, and clean up the mess they and their buddies in banking made of our economy. 

And if you are interested in hearing more from someone who cares and actually understands the goings-on of Washington and Wall Street, please check out Dylan Ratigan’s website. 

http://www.dylanratigan.com/