Tragicomedy

“This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel…”

 –Horace Walpole

I have come to the realization that my son has inherited my hyper sensitive nature. Well, actually I realized this a long time ago, but I have finally come to terms with it. I had hoped perhaps the sensitivity was a part of childhood, some phase he would go through and be done with eventually. But alas, he is as sensitive as the day is long.

Like me, he is saddened when we watch movies and someone is mean to another person and hurts them deeply, or if someone or something dies (yes, even animals or animated objects). Sometimes, he even cries, but don’t tell him I told you.

Once, we were watching a nature show, and after watching a predator catch his dinner, my son said, “I wish no animals had to die ever.” This morning I was cleaning the floor and a spider caught me unawares and I screamed “Spider!” My son then shouted at me not to kill it.

I remember he once said something that broke my heart and I began to cry. I told him it was the meanest thing he ever said to me. Then he began sobbing and apologized for being mean. He really hates to be scolded, even by other adults. It makes him so sad.

He is also sensitive about what other people say to him, especially if they are being mean or making fun of him or just teasing him. He gets his feelings hurt so easily.

Unfortunately, he is also very, very competitive and when it comes to sports, he will cry if he loses a game, even to his father. We keep reminding him the point is to have fun, not be the best at everything, but he still has a difficult time controlling his emotions.

I admit I worry that my son’s sensitivity will cause him to suffer considerable pain in his lifetime. A sensitive person myself, I dealt with a lot of heartbreak and sadness, and I don’t want my son to hurt the way I have. Life is not easy. It is full of disappointment and loss. In other words, life is a tragedy, especially to those who feel too much.

That being said, however, I can’t imagine not feeling all the things I’ve felt in my lifetime. If I had it to do over, I would gladly have my heart broken just to feel the exhilaration of infatuation or the fullness of love. I would embrace the pain of criticism to appreciate the joy of acceptance. I would mourn losses to celebrate who and what I have.

Feeling is a part of being alive. And I want my son to be completely alive.

I also want him to realize that life is a comedy, too. That sometimes, you have to laugh at yourself, at the world, at the incongruities of life. I want my son to laugh so hard he cries and fights for breath. I want him to have a sense of humor that will get him through some of those trying times.

Thinking is a part of being alive, too. And I want my son to think just as much as he feels. I want him to continue being curious about everything. I want him to ponder the greatest questions in life. I want him to read and learn as much as he can. And perhaps this will allow him to see the sun through the clouds.

In the end, I shouldn’t worry that my son feels and thinks as much as he does. He is loving and empathetic and sensitive of other’s feelings. He asks me questions that I often can’t answer. He is witty and clever. And I love him for all that he is.

My son wrote a poem once for a class assignment. I leave you with his words and reminder to have open hearts and open minds and think and feel as much as you can.

 “I feel sorry for mean people because they have small hearts…”