I just recently watched the movie Selma, and it got my brain on wheels rolling. In fact, it got my heart beating and my blood pumping and my tears falling. I know I've written about hate and racism before, and you're probably wondering when I'll get some new material. But it's just a subject that is always in front of me. And it seems more so lately.

The tragedy in Charleston happened just days before I watched the movie. A young white man walked into a church and shot and killed innocent people. It was reported he targeted the church because it was "a historic African-American church." Upon investigation, the police found website registered to the man which contained a racist manifesto and images of him with the Confederate flag.

I connected the events of the present to the events of the past and this intensified my feelings and focused my thinking. I wondered why we are still dealing with such violent racism. Why are people still being judged, shamed, abused, and killed because of the color of their skin? Why do people hate others they don't even know simply because they are different? 

There is a scene in the movie Selma where a group of black people are peacefully marching across a bridge in protest. They are met by troopers who hit them with tear gas and beat them with billy clubs. I felt so angry as I watched, knowing this happened in real life. People gave their lives to the Civil Rights Movement, and they shouldn't have had to. And it wasn't just black people. It shouldn't have been this way. It shouldn't have taken televised beatings. It shouldn't have taken deaths. It shouldn't have taken protest after protest and march after march. This all this took place in the 20th century, too. In the century of flight and automobiles and television. All the technological advancements and yet we were still cultural cavemen. 

The sad thing is we haven't come as far as we like to think. We haven't come as far as we should have. People of color are still dealing with racism and hate and violence. People of color are still dying at the hands of racists.

I also watched American Sniper. And I thought about the hate that some Middle Eastern countries have for America. And some Americans return that hate. The movie was full of violence. Of course, it's about war. I knew what I was getting into. Nonetheless, it saddened me to watch soldiers and civilians being killed. There were two scenes which especially got to me. One involves a women who gives a boy (her son, I presume) a weapon to use on American soldiers. The main character of the movie has to decide whether or not to shoot this boy. It must have been unimaginably difficult for him to make the decision, but he does shoot the boy in order to protect the troops in the line of fire. The woman then picks up the weapon and runs towards the troops. Again, the soldier has to shoot. It is obviously difficult for him. There is another scene in which a man watches his son tortured and killed and then he too is killed, simply because he cooperated with the American soldiers.

Why do they hate us? Because we are infidels? Because we don't believe in the same God? Because we don't live as they believe everyone should? Because we are different? Because we stepped foot on their land? Why does that make them hate us so much they are willing to kill and torture, even sacrifice themselves or their children or their fellow countrymen who interact with us?

Add all this to the news of countless acts of terrorism around the world, and it feels as though humanity is becoming consumed by hate. And it all stems from our differences. People hate based on race, color, nationality, creed,  or religion. And sometimes it seems people will find any reason to hate others.

We misunderstand each other. We misjudge. We mistrust. We dismiss each other's cultures and beliefs. We pronounce each other's faiths as misguided. And it causes pain and anger and resentment. And it leads to hate. And then to violence. Homes and places of worship are bombed or burned. People are kidnapped, tortured, and murdered. Wars are waged. Innocents die. And it escalates. All because of differences in who we are or what we believe. 

WHY?

Why is there so much hate in this world? Why can't we learn to embrace our differences? Why can't we accept fellow human beings for what they are? We are all human after all. We all think and feel and love and hurt and laugh and cry. Why can't we learn to understand each other? 

I can only guess that this comes from some ancient, primeval instinct to protect and propagate our own kind. Something inside us fears what we don't know or understand or can relate to. Something inside us warns us against who or what we perceive as outside our own personal realm. While I understand how this may have served us in our fight for survival, I would like to think that we could evolve beyond discrimination.

I know I must sound negative and pessimistic. But don't get me wrong. I have also seen the opposite of hate in recent days. I have seen love and hope. Some of the family members of the Charleston tragedy said they forgive the shooter. People all over the country came together to honor the memories of those victims. The Supreme Court ruled same sex marriage legal in all states. That was a landmark decision.

I see hope in my son, who is mixed race. When he plays with his friends, who are from different backgrounds, without thinking about the color of their skin or what church they attend. I see hope in a generation of children like him. 

I guess when it comes to the human race, it will always be two steps forward, one step back. We seem to be quick to judge and slow to open our hearts and minds. I hope it won't always be this way. I hope that one day we will live in peace together no matter the color of our skin, the God we worship, the nation we live in, the language we speak, or the people we love. I hope that those who have been beaten down will be picked up. And I hope we will all know the glory of love and acceptance and freedom.

The green-eyed monster

"The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you."

                 -Bette Midler

My son caught a cold last week and he was definitely not feeling well. Poor thing had a very stuffy nose and a burning sore throat. I felt so bad for him, especially since he probably caught it from me. I don't like to see him hurt, either physically or emotionally.

Thinking about him hurting reminded me of a conversation we had a week or two before. He told me that some kids at school were giving him a hard time on the basketball court. They were making snide comments and ganging up on him. Not to worry, it didn't cross any lines. It was just the usual juvenile banter. Based on what he told me and my own experience, I sensed that maybe these boys were jealous. See, my son is good at basketball. No, I mean really. I'm not just saying that as his mother. (Go ahead, roll your eyes, I can't see you.) But really, he's good. And he's very competitive. He always wants to win and he always gives 100% and I'm sure he's the same whether he's playing a league game or at just a quick game at recess.

I know how young ones can be. Immaturity and insecurity cause them to say and/or do things that hurt and they don't even realize the pain they cause nor do they always know how to deal with their own pain in a constructive way. I told my son not to let it get him down, and that as he gets older, he may have to deal with worse. As he once said, "puberty is when the aliens take over our bodies," and these aliens are all trying to find their way and figure out who they are, and this process can get them all riled up.

Now, to be fair, my son is very sarcastic and he can come across just a bit rude. So, maybe this exacerbated the situation. And yes, I talked to him about that. I also reminded him that he needs to remain humble, and that relationships of any kind require compromise and a lot of give-and-take.

My brain is on the move, come along.

Not long after this, my husband asked something along the lines of "why is it that when someone is really good at something and this talent is displayed, they are called a show-off?" Good question, right? Why is it that instead of congratulating someone on their talents, we immediately find a way to put them down? Why do we "hate" on people?

"Humans are suspicious and jealous creatures. When they see something perfect, they want to find a flaw."

                   -Gosho Aoyama

The worst part is that not only are people jealous, not only do they resent the talent and success of others, but they hope something bad happens to them or that they fall off their pedestal or fail in some big way. These jealous people can't be rich and famous and beautiful and adored and successful and talented, so they don't want other people to be. That's why tabloids and TMZ are raking it in. Because people want to see the dirty laundry of the "show-offs." They want proof that others are no better than them.

"I don't know whether you have noticed it, Sir, but there are some that take pleasure in the distress of a fellow-mortal, and most especially if they think that fellow-mortal has committed a sin, which adds an extra relish."

                                     -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

Now, I understand that some successful and talented people lack humility and that is what attracts hate. There is a difference between letting your talent and skill speak for themselves and constantly speaking of your talent and skill. I have known people who are always looking for the opportunity to tell stories of their greatness. I'm sure you all know some, too. The kind of people who constantly brag about their achievements. The kind of people who dominate conversations, talking about how they did this or accomplished that. Or who constantly belittle others. But you know what, we can't hate them either. Because deep down inside, they are just insecure and in need of love and acknowledgement and validation. They, too are experiencing jealousy. They, too are human. And like children and teenagers, they don't know how to deal with their feelings.

I wish I could say that I don't get jealous, but I do. And I wish that humans could always be genuinely happy for the success of others. But that's not the case. But hate and resentment don't do anything for us. Instead of focusing on others, we should put our energy into improving ourselves and our own lives. We should work hard not on wishing failure on others, but on achieving our own goals and dreams. That is the one good thing about envy, it can push us to improve, to become better.

I hope that my son learns how to deal with the green-eyed monster, the one attacking him from within and the one attacking him from without. I hope that we all can. I hope that we can learn to rise above the hate and resentment and pettiness. We would all be a lot happier for it.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

                   -Carrie Fisher