So, I think I’ve dropped enough hints, but in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m BIG INTO MUSIC! (But I thought you were big into movies?) Yah, I pretty much enjoy all creative endeavors. Perhaps it is because I’m what some people would call the ‘imaginative, artistic type’, or because I’m a very sensitive, highly emotional person or because I’m a dreamer. Whatever it is, I actually feel music. It’s as though the notes are hands that reach out and touch me. Sometimes it’s a gentle caress, sometimes it’s a violent shake. And it isn’t just the music that gets me; it’s the lyrics, too. I am big on lyrics, and sometimes I hear a song that I swear was written for me and my heart flutters and I get chills up and down my spine. There are so many songs that I connect with and could write about that I have blog material for a lifetime. But there is one song I’ve had in my head lately. That song is “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World.
Let me start by giving you the first part of the song:
Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away
Yes, at one point I was ready to write myself off because I felt left out and looked down on and worried about what people said when I left the room. See, I grew up in a small town where everybody knows everybody and gossiping is the number one hobby. Unfortunately, I obtained an unflattering reputation at an early age. It seems a pretty common thing for girls to get branded for no good reason, especially if they develop early and prefer hanging out with boys. There comes a point when people stop seeing you as tomboy and start seeing you as a flirt. Anyway, for that and for a myriad of other reasons, I always kind of felt like I didn’t belong, like I was an outsider. All I wanted to do was get away, but I didn’t have a choice as to my city of residence. So, I decided to give the town the middle finger by acting like I didn’t care what anyone thought and doing crazy things. Problem was, I did care, and I wanted to be accepted for who I was, and acting like I didn’t care only made me more of an outsider.
It just takes some time
Little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright
I was a little girl, confused and misguided, in the middle of the crazy ride that is life. But everything did turn out just fine. Fortunately, I did have some friends who loved me for me, even if they didn’t always understand or approve of all the crazy, stupid things I did. The thing was, they didn’t judge me, I didn’t judge them and that is what love and friendship are all about.
When I was old enough, I moved away from that small town and those disapproving looks and salacious rumors. I’m not saying that all small towns are full of small minds. No, I understand now that gossiping and judgment are just a part of human nature. When you think about it, the folklore and legends of past civilizations are essentially gossip. And we have to make judgments all the time in order to survive. I also understand that when we are teenagers, we are in the middle of a very scary ride, trying to hold one. We are discovering who we are, who we want to be. We are all confused and searching for acceptance and we don’t always say or do the right things and we often hurt other people in the process. I now see that self-righteous indignation is no better than hypocritical judgment.
Hey, you know they’re all the same
You know you’re doing better on your own, so don’t buy in
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else.
Be yourself, live for yourself, love yourself. Don’t get caught up in what other people think or say or do. Words we should all live by.
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