I've been blessed

What is it about us humans that we are never completely satisfied?

I was driving home from work. And when I say work, I mean a shift at the flooring showroom followed by a few hours of installing hardwood floors. So, I was tired…and messy. And to top it off, I was stuck in traffic. I thought by taking a particular route, I was skipping the long wait to get onto the freeway. Unfortunately, I was wrong and found myself in a sea of cars leaving the racetrack. Yep, it was opening day. So, instead of quickly getting home to a warm shower and a glass of wine, I was slowly inching my way through an endless maze of cars. Ugh!

So, as I am sitting there, sweaty and exhausted, I look around. A BMW to the right, a Mercedes to the left, Audi in front. The sidewalks and crosswalks were full of people fresh from the horse races. Beautiful people everywhere, fully groomed and perhaps slightly buzzed, looking for a place to eat and drink some more martinis. The women all looked like they just stepped out of a magazine in their flattering summer dresses, impossibly tall wedge heels, and stylish hats, carrying Prada and Gucci handbags. I, on the other hand, dressed in t-shirt and sweatpants, had my bird’s nest in a ponytail and was covered in sawdust.

Though it kills me to admit it, I was jealous. I wanted to be wearing the clothes, shoes, and hat just purchased at Nordstrom’s for that event. I wanted to skip work in the middle of the week to enjoy the festivities of Opening Day at the Racetrack. I wanted $12 martinis. I wanted to eat a good steak or sushi. I wanted to be riding around in sports car instead of my economical Toyota hatchback.

“It’s not fair!” I cried in my head. Like a little girl denied candy, I was pouting, on the verge of throwing a tantrum. “Why is it that I have to work my butt off and save every penny to help pay a probably corrupt bank on a house that has lost value?!” “Why do banks get bailouts but people like me don’t?!” “Who are these people that can just shun their responsibilities to go schmooze and booze and be seen? Bankers? Insurance company executives? Politicians? Trust fund babies?” “Those people in their hats…humph.” My mind went into a total tailspin.

Then, I fought off the green-eyed monster. After it crawled back under its rock, I scolded myself for thinking like a spoiled brat.

First off, I’m not the type that is obsessed with name brands. Yes, I love to shop, but usually its Target or Marshall's or the thrift store. I bought a dress at Nordstrom’s last year, but only because I had a gift card and it was on the clearance rack. The most expensive pair of shoes I ever owned? My Doc Marten boots. My purse of choice right now is one I purchased for $2 at a yard sale. And I’m OK with that. I don’t need expensive clothes or shoes or purses. I’ll never have a love affair with a pair of Jimmy Choos, a la Carrie Bradshaw. That’s not me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I would never buy nice, expensive things. I like a little luxury now and again. But I don’t live for it.

And I’m totally conflicted about the horse races anyway. I love animals. Yes, people say the horses are treated well, but it breaks my heart when a horse is put down because they broke leg in the name of entertainment. Don’t worry; I won’t go all P.E.T.A. on you. I’m just saying that I’m not particularly a fan of horse racing.

And yes, the economy stinks. I work in a residential construction related industry and it’s taken a big hit, no doubt. But I have everything I need. I have the love of a good man and he works as hard as he can to support this family. I have a good son whose laughter warms my heart. We all have our health. We have a roof above our heads and food to eat. I have family and friends and good times with them all. I have a job. There are people who have been unemployed for months, years, who would gladly sell and install floors. There are people who have to beg for their meals. There are families struggling to make ends meet. There are people who have lost the ones they love. There are people who are lonely, distraught, and afraid. And here I am, upset because I had to work instead of dropping money on overpriced cocktails. To tell you the truth, part of me enjoys installing. Hard work is good for the soul. It tames the ego. Plus, it’s rewarding to create a little bit of beauty in someone’s home. And I get to work with power saws!

I know not all bankers, insurance company executives, and politicians are bad. People who were born into families with money are not all spoiled, selfish brats. I am disgusted with myself for even having those thoughts. There is nothing wrong with ambition and I can’t begrudge people their success. And if I want to be able to take a day off work to enjoy good times, well then I have to do something about it. The spectators aren’t all bankers, CEOs, or politicians anyway. I went to the races once (a long time ago) and I know people who go who aren’t uber rich or the least bit pretentious.

I guess it’s part of human nature to want more. If it wasn’t, there would be a lot of companies out of business. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, and it’s often a good thing. Wanting more is what leads us to explore and discover and try. It pushes us to make ourselves, to make life, better.

The thing is not to let greed possess you. You must appreciate what you have and not let jealousy spoil your heart. And you have to understand and know what is truly important in life. Not clothes or shoes or indulgent food and drink. Not anything you own. Not anything you can buy.

It’s the simple things. It’s peace within. It’s love.

And I've been blessed.