Be Happy

I recently celebrated my birthday, and I decided to have a party. See, I'm a Libra. And if you believe in that stuff, you know us Libras are social creatures. We enjoy parties. And if you don't believe in that stuff, well, I'll just tell you, I am a very social creature. And I enjoy parties. I like to have fun, and dance, and laugh. The eat, drink, and be merry type. So, that's what I wanted to do.

I invited a lot of people. Of course, I've come to understand that half the people you invite to a party won't make it. That's just life. So, yes, a lot of people had to turn down my invitation. Some people just didn't respond at all. Now, that selfish, little-girl part of me was somewhat bothered by that. I did have to take a moment to step back and look at the big picture. At my age, people are busy. They have family obligations. They have children with busy schedules. They have jobs.  And partying is at the bottom of the priority list. I've had to miss other people's parties for a variety of reasons, and maybe my absence disappointed them.

Some people showed up and only stayed for a short time. Again, I understand that as you get older, you just can't rock all night like you did when you were young. I'm often in bed by 9:00 myself. Plus, you have to get home to relieve the babysitter. Maybe you just want to get home to kiss your children goodnight. Maybe you're tired after a long work week. Maybe you don't feel well. Maybe you're dealing with a lot of stuff and you're not in the mood to party all night. I understand that. I've left parties early myself.

It ended up being an intimate party. But I completely appreciated everyone who showed up, even if it was just for a little while. They might not even know how much it meant to me just to have them there, but it was the best gift they could have given me. And, I had a blast! I smiled and laughed all night. If I had been sad or upset about the people who didn't show up, then I wouldn't have had all that fun with the people who did!

What I'm getting to, is that in life, you have to learn not to take things personally. So some people didn't make it to my party. It wasn't personal. Because the world doesn't revolve around me. The world doesn't revolve around any of us. We are actually very small in the grand scheme of things. The universe is this vast place, and we are just specks of dust.

Today, another one of my writing submissions was rejected. And it just reminded me how far I am from where I want to be. It reminded me how I've been unable to find success in writing or interior design. It reminded me how I'm stuck doing accounting and data entry. Now, while a part of me wanted to get into the fetal position and cry, I had to remind myself that rejection and failure are a part of the process, a part of life. We all have moments of rejection. Moments where we feel like failures. Moments we feel slighted, unwanted, unloved, unappreciated. Moments where people hurt or anger us. Whether it's a friend or family member who said or did something or it's someone who cut us off in traffic or someone saying, "thanks, but no thanks." We take it as a personal affront, when really, it's not. We can't see everything as a personal attack.

My son had a basketball game and the parents and coach of the other team were constantly complaining about the calls the referees made. They accused the refs of calling everything for my son's team, when in reality, there were good and bad calls both ways. But they took it personally and yelled and complained. It's something you see a lot in sports. People blaming the refs when a game isn't going their way. But I saw how hard the kids on the other team were working and their team hadn't won a game, and I'm sure the parents felt bad for them. They didn't want to see their children lose again. The refs weren't very happy about all that yelling and complaining, but it's something they have to deal with all the time. They have to learn not to take it personally. And in situations such as that, it helps to try to understand where the other person is coming from. What is going on in their hearts or minds or lives that is driving their behavior? What are they going through? What are they dealing with? And does it really have anything to do with me?

When it seems like the world is against you and nothing is going your way, it's easy to just cry and ask "why is this happening to me?"

But that doesn't make things better. 

It only makes you unhappy.

I know. Whether it was my writing being rejected, or not being able to get a career going in interior design, or my house and vehicles needing repairs when money was tight, or my favorite football team losing, I have pouted and complained and asked "why?!?" But what did that do? It didn't make me feel better or solve any problems. No, I felt worse. I drowned myself in negativity. I got caught up in that vicious cycle, falling fast in that downward spiral.

So, getting back to happiness...

If we stay rooted in our own egocentric ways of looking at things, then we will continually be disappointed and unhappy. The world isn't out to get us. Things happen. Stuff breaks. People are rude, and selfish, and unkind. We have to take a deep breath, take a step back, and take a different perspective on things. We have to try to understand other people and their reasons for doing things.

We must understand that neither our happiness nor unhappiness are dependent on the people or things that surround us. We are ultimately responsible for how we feel, how we allow people and events to make us feel. 

Life is not perfect, people are not perfect. Things won't always be as we want them to be, as we hoped or expected them to be. We can't and we don't control everything in our lives. But we can control how we react, how we feel, how we deal with whatever happens. We can choose to be negative, to cry and complain, to ask "why me?"

Or we can stop taking everything so personal, be happy, and make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in.