Sportsmanship?

It's Super Bowl Sunday! Yes, I love watching football. I pretty much love watching sports. But while I'm preparing to eat chicken wings and drink beer and cheer on the team I'm rooting for (Carolina because I'm a Charger fan and I will not, repeat, will not root for the Broncos), I'm also thinking beyond touchdowns. 

I sometimes feel conflicted about watching football. It's fun to watch for sure. But I can't help but think football players are modern day gladiators. And now, with all the talk of CTE and the mental and emotional problems some of these players deal with later in life, I can't help but feel guilty. And I think about how some football fans behave. About the insults and smack talking. About the fights in the parking lots and bleachers. It gets really bad sometimes. People have even been stabbed and shot. 

Taking a side road here, stay with me.

My son plays basketball on a competitive team. I love watching him play. But I am surprised by what I see and hear on the court and in the stands.  A couple games back, we were sitting near a man whose son played for the other team. At one point, he shouted "Next time, put a shoulder into his ass!" 

Now, I know everyone swears. I swear. But it bothers me when people yell and swear around young children. So, I turned around and told him there really was no need for that. He went on to tell me he didn't say anything and that I should clean my ears. I apologized, said I misheard him, and left it at that. I did hear from other parents who were nearby that confirmed what he said. He also criticized our players for their aggressive play. Now, this man's son was a bully on the court. He elbowed one of our players, a girl in fact, in the face. And he said and did some things to my son. So, I guess it was no surprise the father spoke the way he did. Children emulate their parents. The sad thing was that when the other team lost, this kid was in tears. And I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Maybe he was a bully because he was under too much pressure to perform.

My husband told me it really wasn't a big deal about the guy cussing, and that I should just get used to it, because it's only going to get worse as our son gets older. I guess he was right. Cuss words are just that, words. And it isn't that I'm being snobby about it. I just want children to maintain their innocence for as long as possible, something that seems to be getting more and more difficult.

At another game, a couple for the other team were very unhappy about the calls being made and they made it known. They berated the referees the entire game. THE ENTIRE GAME! It got to the point where I just wanted to turn to them and say "Hey, these are kids, this isn't the NBA Championship, can you just let them play and let the rest of us enjoy the  game instead of listening to you yell the whole time?!!?" But of course, I didn't. My husband said I shouldn't let people get to me. And I shouldn't. I know. I should have just ignored them. But I couldn't. 

I will admit that I get a little excited at my son's games sometimes. I have voiced some displeasure at a call or two. But I have never yelled at the refs. I know they have a tough gig. They have to watch a lot of different people at the same time. And the game moves fast and they don't catch everything. No one is perfect. They are only human, and they are volunteers. 

I do cheer for my son's team. But I try not to cheer if they are up by a lot or if a player for the other team misses a free throw. These are kids after all. They should just be having fun and we should just be watching and supporting. That is why I'm taken aback by the some of the bad displays of behavior, from the kids and parents. 

So, I wonder why it is that sports can turn us into monsters. Why do we push our kids that hard? Why do we insult the opposite team and their fans? Why do we act as though every game is life or death? Because, really, it isn't. It's just entertainment. It's just fun. Or at least it's supposed to be.

Sports are very much tribal. And that brings out the primal in us. We are animals after all. And animals want to propagate their own species. They want to  create the best offspring. They want to take the best territory and resources. Basically, they want to win. It seems watching and playing sports bring out the inner animals in us that have lain dormant because we don't have to fight for a mate or food or a home. 

It makes sense. But I wish that kids could just play and parents could just watch. I wish people could attend a game without worrying about their children being subjected to profanity-laced tirades. I wish people could support a team without being insulted or targeted by knife-wielding or gun-toting sociopaths. 

I don't want to be too negative. Sports can also bring out good things in us. It can bring people together, create a sense of camaraderie. It teaches kids leadership and cooperation. It instills a sense of pride and ownership. I just would like to see more of that, and less of the hating and berating. Is that too much to ask?

WAKE UP, YOU NEED TO MAKE MONEY!

In case you were wondering why it's been a while since I've written, it's not because I won the lottery and went on a lavish vacation in the Bahamas. Well, in my dreams maybe. I was definitely dreaming when I bought tickets. Yes, I said tickets, as in not just one, but multiple. I hate to admit it, but I caught Lotto fever.

Now, I've never purchased a ticket until recently. I'm not much of a gambler, never have been. When I travel to Vegas, it's to sit by the pool with a cold drink or hit the clubs, never to spend countless hours and dollars at gambling tables. I always thought gambling was a waste of money. Your chances of winning are often slim and in the case of the lottery, you're more likely to be struck by lightening. And I never considered myself lucky. 

But the jackpot was so big this time. And I thought, "why not me?" 

As I've told you numerous times before, I am not where I want to be professionally. I'm not doing something that makes me happy or fulfills me. I'm doing something for a paycheck. And it's not a great paycheck. But it's steady income and that is what my family needs. I keep dreaming and hoping and planning and trying to somehow break into the Interior Design industry. And I'm writing and submitting my work to literary magazines. But it's not happening for me right now, so I have no choice but to stay where I am, doing data entry in accounting. DATA ENTRY IN ACCOUNTING!ME!

So, when the lottery jackpot kept climbing and climbing, I became excited at the thought of winning. Like most people, I thought about how that much money could change my life. I wasn't thinking about yachts and mansions and private islands. Well, OK, maybe a little. But that wasn't why I played. I played because I want financial security. Don't we all? That's why we keep jobs we don't necessarily enjoy. Because we're all trying to pay the bills and put food on the table and provide for our children. And with the economy not exactly booming and the cost of living rising, we all struggle sometimes.

But more than financial security, I want financial freedom. The freedom to quit my job and put more time into writing or design. The freedom to maybe return to school. The freedom to not have to count every nickel and dime. The freedom from a Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 life of drudgery. The freedom to enjoy some of the finer things in life. The freedom to travel and see the world. The freedom from stress and worry. The freedom to dream.

I think that is what most people want. The freedom to enjoy life. Because we weren't meant to just work and work and pay and pay until the day we die. We were meant to live for so much more. To know and experience the world in all it's varied, amazing glory. To live and love and laugh. To discover and learn and rise above.To dream and imagine and hope. The way we did as children, before we were saddled with the responsibility of adulthood. Before we found out the depressing truth that not all of us can be astronauts or movie stars or professional athletes or princesses. Before we realized the economic inequality that exists in this world and the growing gap between rich and poor. Before we became rats in a cubicle maze.

I know, I'm being pessimistic and maybe a tad whiny and self-absorbed. I should just be happy I have a job and a roof over my head, etc, etc. I promise you I'm working on it. 

I also promise you I will keep dreaming and I will find my way out of that cubicle maze, without the lottery.

     "Well, that's really tragic that you hear these comments, which are full of hatred, full of this ideology of being discriminative towards others...If we want to end terrorism we need to bring quality education so we defeat the mindset of terrorism mentality and of hatred."
                                  -Malala Yousafzai



I recently watched the Republican debate. Ok, admittedly, I didn't watch the whole thing. I can only take so much of politics and posturing and mudslinging and finger pointing, yadda yadda, etc. etc. Anyhow, one of the hot topics was Islamic extremism. Of course, this subject is on the minds of many, especially after the recent tragedies in Paris and San Bernardino.

Often, the immediate reaction to such events is one of anger. People clamor for justice. However, an angry person's idea of justice is often just revenge. And perhaps, when you break justice down to its simplest form, it is revenge. Revenge in the form of punishment, sometimes cruel, sometimes deadly. 

Now, what the terrorists did in Paris and San Bernardino warrants anger. They murdered innocent people. So, I understand the desire to respond in kind. However, I believe that we cannot let our anger and our blind desire for revenge 'trump' our humanity.

Yes, I said 'trump'.  And now, I'm going to get into politics. It's always a risky proposition to discuss politics, especially online where anonymous people feel free to attack you as a person and threaten your life if they don't agree with your ideas. But I'm going to do it anyway. 

 As I said, I watched some of the Republican debate and there were questions about the things Donald Trump has proposed in regards to the problem of Islamic extremism. And some of the things he has proposed are, well, extreme. He called for mandatory registry of Muslims living in the United States. How is that any different than the Nazis forcing Jews in Europe to wear the Star of David as a sort of scarlet letter or badge of shame? Or the American government forcing Japanese into internment camps? Or the hunting and harassing of anyone believed to be communist during the McCarthy era? And he proposes banning all Muslims from entering the United States. This is contrary to what America stands for. Not that I'm surprised. Remember when he called Mexican immigrants criminals and rapists and killers? And that Mexico should pay to have a wall built between our two countries?

When terrorists attack, the heinous acts they carry out leave everyone with psychological scars. People become angry, yes. But they also become fearful. And often, the combination causes people to lose their humanity. It causes people to hunt out scapegoats. Like wounded animals who have been cornered, they lash out at anyone they see as a threat. Just as after 9-11, hate crimes against Muslims have increased. Muslim Americans are being verbally harassed and threatened in the streets. Mosques are being vandalized.  
American Muslim organizations have publicly denounced the acts of extremists. I understand why they feel they must do this, and why non-Muslims demand it, but it seems unfair. We shouldn't  blame an entire group of people or a religion for the acts of a horribly misguided few who are acting out of anger and fear themselves. Did we expect or demand that Conservatives and Christians hold press conferences to publicly denounce the attack on the Planned Parenthood in Colorado that left three people dead? No, we understand that violence is not the "Christian" way. Not that violence hasn't been perpetrated  against innocents in the name of religions other than Islam. Just think about the Spanish Inquisition or the Salem witch trials. But we understand that Christianity and Catholicism for the most part, promote peace. And maybe that is part of the problem. We don't completely understand Islam. And we often fear or dislike what we don't understand. That seems to a be a human behavior we have dealt with since the beginning of time.

But that is not what we need in a leader. We do not need someone who feeds our anger and fear and paranoia. We do not need someone who is overtly racist or prejudice or sexist. We do not need someone who will insult, berate, or bully anyone who doesn't agree with him or his ideas.  

Now I know why Trump has so much support. People in this country are angry and tired of the same old politicians who talk more than do. They are sick of the establishment. They believe Trump is a straight shooter who will make drastic changes in the state of our government. They are "passionate" about making this country better. (That is what he said after two men beat another man they believed to be an immigrant, invoking Trump's anti-immigrant words) I know, but I don't understand why so many would support a person who spews such racist rhetoric. 

Maybe I'm naive or too much of an idealist or "wussified" as some of our own citizens call our nation. And maybe if I lost a loved one in the attacks, I would be calling for revenge and the killing of the perpetrators' families. Maybe I would be filled with an angry hatred of all Muslims. Maybe I would seek to beat up anyone who looked Muslim. 

But I'd like to think that I could rise above the hate. I'd like to think that we could all rise above. I'd like to think that love, forgiveness, and empathy still have a place in this world. I'd like to think this country is one of freedom and acceptance and that we can lead the world in finding a path to peace. I'd like to think we've come a long way since the Civil Rights movement. I'd like to think we can elect someone who will lead with courage and compassion. Someone who will protect our country from terrorists, while preserving the rights of all Americans, regardless of race, religion, or gender. I'd like to think that knowledge and understanding will trump hatred.

I'd like to think, but maybe I'm dreaming.




My thoughts go out to all those affected by terrorism, in America and around the globe. 

Helping Hand

"Doing nothing for others is the undoing of ourselves"

                             -Horace Mann

Just a few weeks ago, I saw a picture of a little boy lying face down on a beach. He was dead, having drowned when the boat he and his family were on capsized. They had been trying to escape the war in Syria. My heart broke when I saw the photo. I had to fight back tears. I could not imagine the desperation the family must have felt crossing that sea in a crowded boat, not knowing if they would reach land or if they would be welcomed once they did. And I could not imagine the pain the boy's father felt when he learned he had lost his whole family.

Since then, I have been following the news of the countless refugees braving the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, and trekking through eastern Europe, looking for a place to begin new lives. All this to escape their own war-torn countries.

I know that most people are sympathetic to the refugees' plight. People, countries want to help. At the same time, some countries closed their borders and many have expressed concern with the strain on their own resources. It's understandable there is some concern. We are talking millions of displaced people.

This got me thinking about what it means to help others in need.

I'm the type of person that finds it difficult to say no when others ask for help. I don't know if it has to do with my Catholic upbringing or if it's just my personality, but it pains me to say no to helping others. I always believed that you should help others, regardless of who they are or why they need help or if they deserve it. I always believed you do things for others just for the sake of doing it, not to expect anything in return.

"No one has ever become poor from giving."

                                              -Anne Frank

I would tend to agree with Anne Frank. However, practicality, common sense, and societal norms say that we can and should only give so much. People say you can't give so much that it becomes a detriment to yourself or your own. People say that others will take advantage of you if you give too much. Think about your own lives. Do you have friends or family members that are constantly asking for help? Whether it's money or favors? And do they return in kind? Are they there for you when you need help? Do they give equally? Or is it a one-way street? Do you find you are constantly giving and they are constantly taking? Have you given money when you were struggling financially? Have you given time and energy when you barely had any? Where do you draw the line? It's a difficult question I know.

So, I understand when countries struggle with how to help refugees. Especially when it puts an economic and logistical strain on their resources and affects their own citizens.

Yet, how do we turn away from our brothers and sisters of the human race? How do we see them as merely financial burdens or temporary problems? They are people after all. And they are suffering.

So, do we rise above our animal selves? Do we give and help others as much as we can no matter what we get in return? Do we love and forgive unconditionally? Do we give until it hurts, no matter what the consequences may be? Or do we follow our basic instincts, which tells us to protect ourselves and our own? Do we give to and love only those who return the favor? Or does the answer lie somewhere in between those two extremes?

I really don't know what the best answer is and I wish we didn't even have to ask the question. I would give until it hurt. But maybe that's one of my downfalls. Maybe that only causes me trouble and pain. Maybe that hurts my loved ones as well. Maybe I need to give them more and others less. And although I like to give as much as possible, I can't deny that I've also done my share of taking. And I'm sure I failed to help or give when I should have.

I wish that we could all give and love and be given to and loved in return. I wish that no one ever took advantage of others. I wish there were abundant resources available to help all those in need. I wish we were more than just selfish animals searching for the easiest path to our own wants and needs.

Maybe we are. Maybe we can be. Maybe we'll find that balance between giving and taking. On an individual level as well as on a larger scale.

For now, I hope and pray the refugees are shown compassion and given shelter. I hope and pray that somehow, someway, their own countries can find a path to peace and prosperity. And I hope that one day every child of this Earth will have a home that is warm and safe and filled with love, a home they will not have to run away from. 

Working 9 to 5

I have just enjoyed a five day staycation. And now, as this warm Labor Day winds down, I begin to feel that black cloud that usually hovers over me every Sunday evening. Monday, or in this case, Tuesday, is looming. It will be back to work for me.

I know I've vented to you all before about how I want so much to write and practice interior design, but have not been able to make money doing those things, and so I have to keep a so-called regular job. You know, the kind of job where you get a steady paycheck and great benefits, but you're confined to a cubicle all day. The kind of job where you sit in front of a computer, under fluorescent lighting, entering numbers and letters until you think your fingers might fall off, or you might keel over from boredom. 

Now, I know I shouldn't complain. Especially on this day which celebrates the hard work and achievements of American laborers. And I know people of earlier generations toiled for up to 12 hours a day in horrible conditions just to provide for their families. I imagine a lot of older folks think us younger generations are spoiled with our ideas of "work/life balance." I'm sure the people who worked in factories in the early 1900's would have been happy to sit in an air-conditioned office for 8 hours.

I know I have it easy. I only work 6 hours a day and the pay is decent, the benefits are good, I like the people I work with, and the company is great. But it doesn't fulfill me. It doesn't bring me joy. I simply do it for the money.

I know there are a lot of you out  there who may feel the same way I do. Just think of all the "It's Friday" memes you can find on the Internet. Think of how we are all just counting the minutes, the hours, the days until Friday arrives and we are free. And then think about how many of us count the years until we can retire. It's actually kind of sad. 

When we are young, we are told we can do anything, be anything. And we all dream. But we soon find things don't always go as planned. Degrees don't always guarantee a job or success. Hard work and dedication don't always get you where you want to go. And dreams don't always pay the bills. Heck, it seems like the money we work for barely pays the bills.

I know, I sound selfish and pessimistic and impractical. I assure you I know this is the real world, and not utopia. I am practical and I know I need to make sacrifices for my family. And I certainly appreciate the fact that I have a job. But as I get older, I feel the years flying by, and I worry that my dreams are slowly fading away. I worry that though I say the office jobs I get are only temporary, I'll end up stuck in a cubicle for 20 years, not one room designed, not one book published.

Maybe I'm not practical. I remember I used to complain to my mom when I was in high school that we didn't have a choice but to work at some job we hate for years. She said I did have a choice, that I could choose to be homeless. She was right, of course. We can choose to work, albeit at a job we don't necessarily enjoy, or we can choose to live off the grid, in a shack in the woods, growing crops and hunting for food. Spoiled as I am, I enjoy my modern comforts, especially indoor plumbing. Without a job, I won't have the money to pay for those modern comforts. 

I have no illusions about life being perfect if and when I become a published writer or an accomplished designer. Every job has its ups and downs. Every job is work. And it won't always be fun. That's why it's called work and not play. But when you're doing something you love, it is kind of like playing. Adult playing. 

I guess that I will have to continue to work at my writing. I will have to put more energy into growing my interior design business. I have to keep working and trying. I can't give up. Because I believe it's important to love what you do. Or at least to like it. I believe there is more to living than working and paying bills. I believe we should all have work/life balance. Maybe that makes me a daydreaming idealist and impractical. Maybe I need to wake up and smell the coffee and put my nose to the grindstone and quit bellyaching about my bohemian need for fulfillment. Maybe all I can and should do is just make the most of my situation. Because that's really what we are all doing in this world. Just trying to make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in.

What about you? Are you happy with your job? Do you find joy and fulfillment in your work? Is that important to you?

I just recently watched the movie Selma, and it got my brain on wheels rolling. In fact, it got my heart beating and my blood pumping and my tears falling. I know I've written about hate and racism before, and you're probably wondering when I'll get some new material. But it's just a subject that is always in front of me. And it seems more so lately.

The tragedy in Charleston happened just days before I watched the movie. A young white man walked into a church and shot and killed innocent people. It was reported he targeted the church because it was "a historic African-American church." Upon investigation, the police found website registered to the man which contained a racist manifesto and images of him with the Confederate flag.

I connected the events of the present to the events of the past and this intensified my feelings and focused my thinking. I wondered why we are still dealing with such violent racism. Why are people still being judged, shamed, abused, and killed because of the color of their skin? Why do people hate others they don't even know simply because they are different? 

There is a scene in the movie Selma where a group of black people are peacefully marching across a bridge in protest. They are met by troopers who hit them with tear gas and beat them with billy clubs. I felt so angry as I watched, knowing this happened in real life. People gave their lives to the Civil Rights Movement, and they shouldn't have had to. And it wasn't just black people. It shouldn't have been this way. It shouldn't have taken televised beatings. It shouldn't have taken deaths. It shouldn't have taken protest after protest and march after march. This all this took place in the 20th century, too. In the century of flight and automobiles and television. All the technological advancements and yet we were still cultural cavemen. 

The sad thing is we haven't come as far as we like to think. We haven't come as far as we should have. People of color are still dealing with racism and hate and violence. People of color are still dying at the hands of racists.

I also watched American Sniper. And I thought about the hate that some Middle Eastern countries have for America. And some Americans return that hate. The movie was full of violence. Of course, it's about war. I knew what I was getting into. Nonetheless, it saddened me to watch soldiers and civilians being killed. There were two scenes which especially got to me. One involves a women who gives a boy (her son, I presume) a weapon to use on American soldiers. The main character of the movie has to decide whether or not to shoot this boy. It must have been unimaginably difficult for him to make the decision, but he does shoot the boy in order to protect the troops in the line of fire. The woman then picks up the weapon and runs towards the troops. Again, the soldier has to shoot. It is obviously difficult for him. There is another scene in which a man watches his son tortured and killed and then he too is killed, simply because he cooperated with the American soldiers.

Why do they hate us? Because we are infidels? Because we don't believe in the same God? Because we don't live as they believe everyone should? Because we are different? Because we stepped foot on their land? Why does that make them hate us so much they are willing to kill and torture, even sacrifice themselves or their children or their fellow countrymen who interact with us?

Add all this to the news of countless acts of terrorism around the world, and it feels as though humanity is becoming consumed by hate. And it all stems from our differences. People hate based on race, color, nationality, creed,  or religion. And sometimes it seems people will find any reason to hate others.

We misunderstand each other. We misjudge. We mistrust. We dismiss each other's cultures and beliefs. We pronounce each other's faiths as misguided. And it causes pain and anger and resentment. And it leads to hate. And then to violence. Homes and places of worship are bombed or burned. People are kidnapped, tortured, and murdered. Wars are waged. Innocents die. And it escalates. All because of differences in who we are or what we believe. 

WHY?

Why is there so much hate in this world? Why can't we learn to embrace our differences? Why can't we accept fellow human beings for what they are? We are all human after all. We all think and feel and love and hurt and laugh and cry. Why can't we learn to understand each other? 

I can only guess that this comes from some ancient, primeval instinct to protect and propagate our own kind. Something inside us fears what we don't know or understand or can relate to. Something inside us warns us against who or what we perceive as outside our own personal realm. While I understand how this may have served us in our fight for survival, I would like to think that we could evolve beyond discrimination.

I know I must sound negative and pessimistic. But don't get me wrong. I have also seen the opposite of hate in recent days. I have seen love and hope. Some of the family members of the Charleston tragedy said they forgive the shooter. People all over the country came together to honor the memories of those victims. The Supreme Court ruled same sex marriage legal in all states. That was a landmark decision.

I see hope in my son, who is mixed race. When he plays with his friends, who are from different backgrounds, without thinking about the color of their skin or what church they attend. I see hope in a generation of children like him. 

I guess when it comes to the human race, it will always be two steps forward, one step back. We seem to be quick to judge and slow to open our hearts and minds. I hope it won't always be this way. I hope that one day we will live in peace together no matter the color of our skin, the God we worship, the nation we live in, the language we speak, or the people we love. I hope that those who have been beaten down will be picked up. And I hope we will all know the glory of love and acceptance and freedom.

The green-eyed monster

"The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you."

                 -Bette Midler

My son caught a cold last week and he was definitely not feeling well. Poor thing had a very stuffy nose and a burning sore throat. I felt so bad for him, especially since he probably caught it from me. I don't like to see him hurt, either physically or emotionally.

Thinking about him hurting reminded me of a conversation we had a week or two before. He told me that some kids at school were giving him a hard time on the basketball court. They were making snide comments and ganging up on him. Not to worry, it didn't cross any lines. It was just the usual juvenile banter. Based on what he told me and my own experience, I sensed that maybe these boys were jealous. See, my son is good at basketball. No, I mean really. I'm not just saying that as his mother. (Go ahead, roll your eyes, I can't see you.) But really, he's good. And he's very competitive. He always wants to win and he always gives 100% and I'm sure he's the same whether he's playing a league game or at just a quick game at recess.

I know how young ones can be. Immaturity and insecurity cause them to say and/or do things that hurt and they don't even realize the pain they cause nor do they always know how to deal with their own pain in a constructive way. I told my son not to let it get him down, and that as he gets older, he may have to deal with worse. As he once said, "puberty is when the aliens take over our bodies," and these aliens are all trying to find their way and figure out who they are, and this process can get them all riled up.

Now, to be fair, my son is very sarcastic and he can come across just a bit rude. So, maybe this exacerbated the situation. And yes, I talked to him about that. I also reminded him that he needs to remain humble, and that relationships of any kind require compromise and a lot of give-and-take.

My brain is on the move, come along.

Not long after this, my husband asked something along the lines of "why is it that when someone is really good at something and this talent is displayed, they are called a show-off?" Good question, right? Why is it that instead of congratulating someone on their talents, we immediately find a way to put them down? Why do we "hate" on people?

"Humans are suspicious and jealous creatures. When they see something perfect, they want to find a flaw."

                   -Gosho Aoyama

The worst part is that not only are people jealous, not only do they resent the talent and success of others, but they hope something bad happens to them or that they fall off their pedestal or fail in some big way. These jealous people can't be rich and famous and beautiful and adored and successful and talented, so they don't want other people to be. That's why tabloids and TMZ are raking it in. Because people want to see the dirty laundry of the "show-offs." They want proof that others are no better than them.

"I don't know whether you have noticed it, Sir, but there are some that take pleasure in the distress of a fellow-mortal, and most especially if they think that fellow-mortal has committed a sin, which adds an extra relish."

                                     -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

Now, I understand that some successful and talented people lack humility and that is what attracts hate. There is a difference between letting your talent and skill speak for themselves and constantly speaking of your talent and skill. I have known people who are always looking for the opportunity to tell stories of their greatness. I'm sure you all know some, too. The kind of people who constantly brag about their achievements. The kind of people who dominate conversations, talking about how they did this or accomplished that. Or who constantly belittle others. But you know what, we can't hate them either. Because deep down inside, they are just insecure and in need of love and acknowledgement and validation. They, too are experiencing jealousy. They, too are human. And like children and teenagers, they don't know how to deal with their feelings.

I wish I could say that I don't get jealous, but I do. And I wish that humans could always be genuinely happy for the success of others. But that's not the case. But hate and resentment don't do anything for us. Instead of focusing on others, we should put our energy into improving ourselves and our own lives. We should work hard not on wishing failure on others, but on achieving our own goals and dreams. That is the one good thing about envy, it can push us to improve, to become better.

I hope that my son learns how to deal with the green-eyed monster, the one attacking him from within and the one attacking him from without. I hope that we all can. I hope that we can learn to rise above the hate and resentment and pettiness. We would all be a lot happier for it.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

                   -Carrie Fisher